


Will I Die Again? Or Is My Life A Joke To Be Toyed With?

by OasisLake76



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: .... kinda, Don’t let the summery fool you, Gen, I find it neat, I just like Ash being sad, it’s sad, thinking about past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:22:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23720758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OasisLake76/pseuds/OasisLake76
Summary: Ash huffed from the white hammock he was rocking in. Listening to the waves crashing against the nearby rock cliffs.
Relationships: Kapu-Kokeko | Tapu Koko & Satoshi | Ash Ketchum
Comments: 8
Kudos: 167
Collections: Purrsonal Picks





	Will I Die Again? Or Is My Life A Joke To Be Toyed With?

Ash huffed from the white hammock he was rocking in. Listening to the waves crashing against the nearby rock cliffs. He was tucked away in a little cove he found while taking an impromptu walk at three o’clock in the fucking morning a month back. Ever since Ash had dragged out small things to the cove bit by bit. 

Mostly the hammock between the two thick trees that somehow easily lived so close to the sand. Sun beat down on the Alolan land but Ash was covered by shade by the branches and the overhanging cliff that was nearby. 

Pikachu was at Lillies house, he couldn’t really stand seeing anything else moving besides his own person after what all just went down not even a week ago. It’s also good that Lillie snatched Pikachu up and disappeared down a random hallway before Ash was even down asking if she would just watch Pikachu for the day, he doesn’t know whether he should feel grateful or not. Hobbs looked so tired when she left the main lobby, turning to apologize to Ash but he waved him off with a tight smile before disappearing down the road. Pikachu is probably fine, the mouse Pokémon had been meaning to check up on snowy and the rest of the Pokémon at the house. Going through that kind of event is a… very hard pill to swallow afterwards. 

Ash should probably be doing the same. Should be helping Lillie and Gladion and maybe even Lusamine and Hobbs get through what just happened. They went to a different dimension for fucks sake! That alone is years worth of therapy with the best therapist in the entire world! But their not gonna believe what happened, Ash would know, he’s been struggling against Lance and the rest of the league for years now to not go to therapy and the only reason why Lance and the rest of the Champions hadn’t physically dragged him to a session is because no one would believe Ash. 

How can a God choose a ten year old to be the fated Chosen One that saves the earth time and time again? 

How can someone die over and over without staying dead? 

How has Ash survived time and time again and not lose his sanity? 

Ash laughed through a forced out sob, ribs aching in a familiar way when sadness gripped his heart. He felt like he was raw all over, skin and hair pulled off from the meat and bones of his body and scrubbed hard and violently before petting out on inside out and all out of place. His emotions were a wreck as well. Ash was at one point laughing hysterically into his hand before his emotions took a quick Swanna dive down into the pits of hell that even Giratina hadn't ventured to and he was now sobbing. 

_ This is all so fucking great.  _

Ash let out a shaky sigh, rolling onto his back and letting the wind twirling around and in the cove gently rock him. Emotions are fucking stupid and Ash has the mind to send a quick text to Gary to dress the Kermit doll he kept inside the bottom left of his closet with Lances cape and tape it to the giant ceiling fan or a chandelier in the ballroom and make Lance go hunt for it. That would be funny to watch and it would give Ash a semblance of something kind of normal. Ash reached for his phone before stopping. 

Gary’s probably asleep in Sinnoh, he’s been talking about going back and studying under Professor Rosen again. Knowing his childhood friend Gary would have left when Ash started to permanently stay in Alola until whatever heavy feeling in his gut disappears. 

It felt like the boulder was shoved down his throat when he almost got trampled by the two Tauroses, it worsened when his eyes met Lillie’s. He absolutely hates it when his Godly intuition made his bones feel so heavy. Like cement was replacing his veins and it would drag Ash down and make him stay on the islands until whatever needed to be fixed got fixed. 

Ash threw an arm over his eyes. Blocking his sight and shutting out the greens and blues of the world. Alola is warm but also so,  _ so _ bright. He’s been getting hit with headaches and Migraines here and there and it all sucks so much. 

He should probably get up and go check on everyone. Make sure their not having a conga line of panic attacks or end up dead from breathing into too much  _ ‘completely different dimension from their own’ _ air. Ash can’t really die unlike them so it’s at least on the checklist, they all seemed fine when they came back from the portal. A bit ragged but not like Ash who willingly threw himself at Lusamine along with Lille getting hit by her moms altered form. Now  _ that’s _ something for Ash’s therapist to look forward to next time over their video calls. 

_ ‘Oh yeah, one of my friends from my class at the Pokémon school mom was abducted from an unknown Pokémon that’s also an ultra beast, said ultra beast tried to merge with my freinds mom and we all traveled to a different dimension on the back of a God that I, and the class, raised through three evolutions. No big deal, just a normal Sunday afternoon and evening. It’s not like I fist fought with Entei or Zekrom again.’ _

God’s his life is such a fucking joke! 

Ash could cry, no wait, he is crying. Tears slowly made their way down the sides of his cheeks since he’s still laying on his back. His arm felt wet and that was fine. At least the sun wasn’t peaking through the branches and into his eyes anymore. He felt a tear roll down and into the line between his lips, salt touch Ash’s tongue and he pulled his arm away and leaned up onto his ass in the hammock. 

_ “Fuck!” _ Ash spat out as a half choked sob ripped from his mouth. “Fuck this all! I’m done with this shit!” 

Ash really isn’t. For there is no second Chosen One, no safety net to catch the world if he falls for good. Ash is, and will always be, the world's first line of defense and it’s last. 

He rolled out of the hammock accidentally and fell face first to the ground. The majority of his lower body hit the ground before his face would, if something didn’t come swooping down from the sky and caught his head. Ash was honestly expecting his face to smash into the mix of sand and cold grass, and to not for his nose to smash into some kind of warm hard shell and hear worried clucking above him. 

With a shaky exhale Ash turned his head, tears still running down his cheeks, and came face to face with Tapu Koko. The God’s eyes flickering around Ash’s head, like it was checking for wounds or something, before chirping something that Ash couldn’t understand. 

He didn’t waste his energy trying to answer the Guardian. Moving to stand up and watching as Koko floated just a tiny bit away, he was still in Tapu Koko’s reach and Ash doesn’t know if he finds that relaxing or not. 

“I have to check on everyone.” Ash groaned. Hands rising once more to wipe at his soar and red cheeks. “Make sure that their facing reality well… or not. To be real I don’t know which one is better. Them completely ignoring what we’ve gone through or they face the trauma head on.” 

Koko chirped and slowly circled Ash. One of their beak things on their shield came out and gently touched Ash’s side. The poor trainer winced, a large bruise had formed there after the first time Lusamine knocked him away from her. It hurts, it really does, but Ash has had worse. 

“At least they're not broken?” Ash tried to joke but it fell flatter than one of Brock's crepes. 

Tapu Koko glared at Ash before coming closer. Feeling the young adult tense up around the shoulders and then hiss from the aching pain of the action. Koko didn’t stop moving though, gently lowering their shield and crossing them slightly to keep Ash in place as their head moved closer. Ash’s fluffy black hair pressed against Koko’s lower half of their face. The God held the position for a minute as they slowly felt Ash lose the tension in his shoulders. 

“I’m so tired.” Ash choked out. Feeling the tears build up again. “So tired of all this fucking bullshit everyone puts me through. Why can’t I just…  _ be _ for a journey? If that makes sense.” 

Koko clucked. Pressing a bit closer to Ash. 

The young adult laughed a bit hysterically before calming down. Finally sinking against the Tapu with most his weight. Koko didn’t even budge. 

“Thank you.” The words barely passed Ash’s lips after ten minutes. “Thank you for checking up on me when no other God has. This means a lot to me.” 

Something in Koko swirled in rage. At the other beings like him controlling the world. Do they have no  _ shame? _ Not when sending something to Ash to let the boy know they cared?  _ Do _ they even care? Probably not from the way Ash was clinging to him. 

“I need to go.” Ash whispered. Standing up on unsteady legs and taking a deep breath. Pulling his heavy mask back piece by piece until it all clicked together and Ash was back being the nonchalant happy trainer. “I need to check up on everyone.” 

_ “You don’t have to.”  _ Tapu Koko finally spoke up. Human has been a dead language to him for years. But for Ash, for their Chosen, Koko can muster the strength to move his metaphorical tongue. 

“I do.” A lone tear escaped Ash’s eye. Barely rolling down his cheek when Ash wipes it away. “I’m the oldest and if it weren’t for me finding Nebby, Lusamine wouldn’t even have been captured by that stupid fucking…  _ thing!”  _

_ “No,”  _ Tapu Koko floated back in front of Ash,  _ “you really don’t. I don’t know how the other Gods are with you. But your on my island and you tried your best in keeping everyone alive. None of us ever thought this was going to happen.”  _

“Nebby.” Ash pointed out. 

_ “Yes. Nebby was planned, but we guardians had no say in what the original Solgaleo was going to do. What… happened was not in the plan at all.”  _ Koko sighed heavily. For once wishing for hands like Tapu Fini and Tapu Lele so they could rub them into their eyes. 

“The other Gods didn’t care.” Aah spoke up. Struggling to keep his mask up and not cry again. “They didn’t care that I died. More worried for their own needs and wants.” 

Tapu Koko didn’t say a word. Just sat and listened. Ash probably needed that more than anything than pointing out things. 

“They don’t care.” Ash’s voice fallened into a whisper again. “I feel like they treat my death like a game sometimes. Like  _ ‘let’s see how many times Ash can die this time!’  _ Or something like that.” 

Koko bristled at that.  _ “Their bastards.” _

Ash choked out a laugh, it was still pitiful and small. “Yeah, still can’t help to think that I might die again in Alola.” 

_ “I will assure you,” _ Koko floated forward more,  _ “that will not happen on my island.”  _

Ash laughed again, more broken then the last. “Will I die again? Or is my life a joke to be toyed with?” 

_ “Never.” _ Koko breathed. 

Something snapped in Ash and his head whipped back up from staring at the ground. A plastic smile in place. “I need to go check on my friends.” 

Just like that Ash was walking. Soon out of the cove and pulling his phone out and leaving the Tapu to float there in worry and sadness for their Chosen One. Mallow was the first one he called. She answered nervously but brightened when she found out it was Ash calling. Apparently their all at Mallows family restaurant, and she means by everyone, Minus Lusamine. They all have been trying to contact Ash but thought his phone was either dead or he just had it shut off. Even the parents have joined their kids… once again minus Lusamine. 

Guess he was facing them all together then. Best just to get it all out of the way. 


End file.
